makes kylie a dull dull girl. i feel particularly boring, and bored, at the moment. not that im not busy, because i am, and not that im not enjoying my work, because i am. but at the moment thats all there is. so busy, and working so hard, im exhausted when i get home, so its play with the dog, try and cook dinner, knit a bit, read a bit, crash out. repeat.
its not that thats a bad life. its great really. but i am restless. i have itchy feet. i feel the need for some kind of excitement. im not sleeping well, that doesnt help. big dreams, the vivid kind, that feel real, that stay with you when you’re awake, that make you disoriented and dizzy and leave you wanting to be somewhere else….maybe ive just been watching too much gossip girl. oh im all about the high culture, dont look at me like that.
this is how sad it is, really. the most exciting thing thats happened this week are some book deliveries. one in particular that arrived to work this week. i had suggested that my school might want to buy it because its so expensive. yesterday my head of school came into my office and handed it to me, surprise, its yours!
i squealed like a little kid at a birthday party. everyone laughed. but they are pretty impressed that i have a book that cost $240 australian dollars. im pretty impressed that my head of school just went ahead and ordered it and now its mine. when i was finished with my teaching prep yesterday afternoon i left my office and went to the lawn outside
where i sat and read the first chapter, which happens to be by my brooklyn knitting colleague winifred, and it was terrific! i have added it to the other pile of books i’ve bought for work recently that i want to try and read this weekend (hahaha).
the one on top was expensive too (nearly $60) but its fascinating, its by one of my mentors at UPenn and its about one of the first new style of ‘mental hospitals’ in the US, a particularly interesting placed called The Friends Asylum, established by the Quakers just outside of Philadelphia. i’m really enjoying it. its really interesting to read about how ideas and practices of care and treatment at a place like that were very similar to some of the reform institutions im tracking through the archives here at about the same time. i’ve started writing a paper about that and it’s exciting to see my ideas start to come together. i’m also working on a grant application with a fantastic team here to do some work with young people and mental health, and i’ve started talking to the rockefeller archives in new york about another idea i’m working on around the impact of war on mental health nursing and approaches to PTSD. that’s the work i want to go back to UPenn to do. also, my fabulous head of school told me yesterday that she had approval to advertise for my position to be made continuing. i still have to apply for it like everyone else, but its good news. all the things are starting to line up.
so even though the pressure is off a little, i still feel like i should be working all weekend. even lila notices it – the intrusion of books and papers all over the lounge meeting with considerable disapproval (i do have an office with a desk but its cold in there right now)
i feel a little like i did when i was doing my phd, just so in my head that i forget how to do the simple things. like cook for example. as if slicing my finger off wasnt enough, i managed to completely fail in the kitchen this week. in an incredible twist of hipster irony, i burnt the (organic, free range) quinoa
i used to do that all the time when i was doing my phd. burn rice in pots, leave water running so the sink would overflow, not screw lids on jars. when i burnt this pot i told trent and he laughed and said thats why we’re not together anymore you know, i had to save my pots. he’s not entirely wrong. then my microwave blew up so i couldnt cook my jasmin rice in there, and it went gluggy in the pot (a different one) instead, and my beef salad was too salty anyway. finally on thursday i managed to cook biryani rice and tandoori chicken so im just going to stick to the indian this week. im going to try a fish curry tonight. wish me luck.
food and books. thats all i have this week. i also spent a fair bit of time and money online buying non work books to add to the pile next to my bed
the literary ones keep getting pushed to the bottom as i discover more scandinavian crime, thanks to lyn. the Indridasons are really very good, and when i was in the States i bought a heap of female authors
(oh yes so much high culture on that shelf i know!) the Lackbergs are ok, good stories, but not great writing. i was really impressed with the Larsson though, a very compelling story, excellent writing, dark edgy characters. i’ve ordered the next few in that series and they’re on their way, as is the JK Rowling (aka Robert Galbraith) Cuckoos Calling. im looking forward to that, and also (on lyns recommendation) Hannah Kent’s Burial Rites, although im worried i will find even that level of literature too difficult at the moment.
it was this exact problem – reading all day for work and not being able to read for pleasure – that started me off knitting actually. it was something i could do that didnt involve my brain overly much, i could stare at the tv and count stitches while my hands moved of their own accord. so thats been happening too – this is the wash up from last weekends decision making:
sandycove in progress, beautiful yarn, gorgeous pattern, lovely in the details
and i did cast on a new cardigan but its many stitches and very long rows so its slow going
rosered is going to knit one with me as well, but hers will be stripey. mine is just all ‘loft’ in ‘soot’
its gorgeous. also, this week i discovered that i now have to wear my glasses when im knitting at night time as well. this made me cranky.
see what i mean? old.
and dull. dull dull dull. at least i have lunch plans tomorrow down at the beach where its lovely and sunny even in the middle of winter.
whenever i get a bit stir crazy its nice to be able to just go down here and have coffee and read and plan my next trip overseas (february and march back to the US with a conference in canada and maybe a conference in sweden if i can swing it). so i just need to be patient, sit tight, do what im doing.
and not burn the rice.
k xx
