i really tried not to use those words in the title of this post. i have read the book, and trust me it has nothing to do with what im about to write! (my life is not that ah…exciting).
this is just another post about the week just gone. more rain, work, revelations and burdens lifted, yarn deliveries and decisions made. i’ll start with the work, which has been pretty hectic but also really exciting. ive enrolled in a ‘university learning and teaching course’ aimed at improving my knowledge and skills around teaching for university students. i thought it was a good time to do it as i take over a subject which is being delivered in a new platform, and im able to redesign it as i go. i was a bit worried about the course before i got there but it turned out to be really great. lots of interesting theories
and we know i love theory. as well as great discussions and tips for dealing with adult learners, designing clear outcomes and assessments, and using technologies in an efficient way. my subject is a postgraduate one, and is ‘flexible’ delivery, so mostly online, with three full day workshops. its aimed at people already working in clinical settings and helping them learn to use evidence based practice, so for some its their first go at university work. i’ve been making them a site in Moodle, our new learning platform. its a little tricky but im getting there
the first modules go live on monday and my first workshop is in a couple of weeks, so theres a lot to do. im trying to just focus on this right now and not think too much about all the other ideas that are buzzing around in my head and papers i want to write from my research. this is the trick of being on a ‘balanced academic’ contract – finding the balance. but im really enjoying it, and i got some more encouragement yesterday about the job being made permanent, so i’m just doing what i can in the meantime.
i think that is pretty much my philosophy about everything now right now. i got pretty overwhelmed there for a while, and i realised it was largely because i was trying to force things before their time. so i’ve let go a bit, and its all gotten a bit easier. also, i’m enjoying my day to day life a bit more, taking the time to just slow down and enjoy the life i have, whether its the gorgeous dogs
the magnolia blooming like crazy outside my house (even in the rain)
or even just pottering around the house. im getting a lot of satisfaction out of my weekends alone at home, staying on top of the housework, tidying up the yard. we discovered tadpoles in my pond-in-a-bowl earlier this week
i’ve been feeding them left over kim chi. i wonder if they like the chili? speaking of which, ive been taking time on the weekend to make healthy meals for the rest of the week, but it went a bit awry on sunday when i was making said kim chi and forgot to just cut the cabbage
i’ve basically lost a whole chunk out of the side of my finger. its healing but is kind of gross.
i’ve also been tiyding up my knitting works-in-progress and getting serious about what is or isnt working. i ended up ripping out the blue socks i was working on and starting a new pair (i think this is where the grey fever set in)
i’ve knit this pattern before but they’ve got a hole in the heel now and i need grey socks (yarn is madeline tosh ‘silverfox’). and then, for the first time since i got back from the US, i bought some yarn. its great to finally have a local online store that stocks the good stuff, and when she had a sale, i couldnt resist. this morning, i put all the patterns and all the yarn ive been thinking about on the table
yes they are all grey. no use fighting it really. its obviously where my head’s at. also, how can you resist this?
im not sure what its going to be yet, either this shawl or this shawl. i love all the shawls in this ‘book’ actually, i was already planning to knit this one in the madeline tosh lace from knitty city
but then the swans island arrived and now im thinking of starting this. right now.
i was also going to start this hoody in the spud and chloe grey, charcoal and red, so i swatched for it
but my gauge is off, as i thought it would be.
its a thicker yarn so im 3 stitches per 4 inches short but its already knit on 3mm needles. i couldnt possibly knit a whole cardigan on smaller needles than that. so i put it aside to think about the maths, and then a lovely friend sent me this lovely pattern as a thank you gift, and i was thinking i wouldnt be able to start it for a while because i need 8 or 9 skeins of Loft and thats not cheap. but then, in my clean out this morning i found 3 skeins of loft in ‘soot’ sitting in a shawl i’d started and hate, so i unwound it all and now look:
i only need 6 more. thats doable right? so yeah, theres a lot of grey there. but i’ve learnt that i should just knit the things that look good on me, that i know im going to wear, so i dont really mind. also, who doesnt love grey?
and finally, i have some good news. this is really the best thing that happened this week, and its funny how its helped put everything else back into balance. last post i rambled on and on about memories and letting go and hanging on and family and all that. there are many reasons why my family situation is fraught. some of them i cant change. some of them, mostly my relationship with my sister, i havent known how to change. theres just so much history there, and i havent known how to take it forward, or whether i even wanted to. but thankfully my sister is braver and more persistent than me. she rang me on wednesday night and we had a long talk and we didnt solve everything, but we have a way forward. she reminded me that she loved me, that she wanted me in her life, that she wasnt going to hurt me or abuse me. it made me realise how even though i try not to, i still put her in the same category as the people who did hurt me, as a child. but she was a child too, and none of what happened was ever her fault. i dont have to forgive my parents. i dont have to forgive abuse and neglect and violence and abandonment. neither of us do. but we cant continue that history in the way we treat each other. i dont have to be alone in the world. i do have family. realising that, embracing it, has made me feel more anchored and more at peace than i have in a long time.
this morning, as if on cue, the sun came out, and the magnolia looks like this
nothing grey about that.
k xx
