for the last three weeks i have had the three dogs here. for those who dont already know, i share custody of the dogs with my ex, and he and his new partner have been travelling in india. it’s been so great to have them together, but three dogs is a lot to manage, and ricco can be a handful in public (although at home he is the most gentle loving sweet thing). he needs his ‘dad’. we’ve had lots of fun though, lots of running around after the tennis ball, killing of the squeakies
chasing water (as you do)
relaxing in the paddle pool
and nice long walks and swims at the beach
of all the dogs, possum is now the only one left that trent and i actually owned together. she is nearly 10.
ricco is 3 and a bit and tomorrow lila turns 1. trent rescued ricco from a pound while we were living in the same house again (as friends. long story), so i did get to help raise him. and then lila i bought myself in a fit of grief and loneliness when i came home from the US earlier this year.
we have tended to keep possum with ricco because trent was taking them to training together. but lately i have wanted to have possum with me again, because she is technically my dog, and she’s getting old and i feel like i dont have much time with her left. she should probably stop working soon (we dont do sheep herding anymore but she still does flyball). she has some arthritis in her back and i think she’s earned a rest. as much as i love lila, the little ratbag, possum is very much my favourite. maybe thats just time, and the memories, and all the things we’ve done together. she’s been a huge comfort to me, but she is independent and strong willed, and not really into other people. i like that she lets me close to her, and is her private princess self with me.
but tomorrow, we will rearrange things again and go back to some kind of sharing arrangement. right now though, its raining and i am enjoying having them here at my feet. even though they are wet and stinky.
the rain is gorgeous. it started again yesterday when i was driving down the coast – i went down to Mollymook to meet up with Patricia. she’s 92 and was a nurse in world war two. she heard me on the radio and rang me up. she was a character! (i also met Mona, who is 97, earlier this week, but i will post about that more on my work blog). Pat had an amazing view from her balcony!
i made a day of it yesterday because one of my work colleagues has a house in mollymook so she came with me to meet pat. we went out for lunch afterwards, but not before we took a leisurely stroll in the rain along narrawallee inlet. it was very low tide, and beautiful.
i love this part of the world so much – this is from the southern head of narrawallee creek looking north towards buckley’s point and conjola beyond that
my father’s cousins still live on lake conjola in the little houses that his father and uncle had when we were kids. we spent quite a few summers there, and i have some great memories…fishing, long walks, swimming, sunburn. i was a bit of a water baby, i still am, i really wanted to get in there yesterday, even though it was raining.
it made me a bit heartsick, to remember those times, and how i dont have any contact with these people who are supposed to be family but never cared after my parents split. i thought of all the other holidays with just my mother and sister further south at narooma, and now its just me and my sister, and how we havent had christmas together in many years, and wont again this year. i thought of all the times that trent and have been camping down there, how many christmas holidays we spent at these southern beaches with the dogs, how much i still miss jem our cattle dog who died last year…so much has changed and this time of year always makes me think about the things i’ve missed.
co-incidentally i’ve been part of a research project called ‘the gratitude survey’ run out of melbourne uni. they’ve asked me a series of questions (lots of them) every two weeks for the last 6 weeks. not easy questions if you’re honest. things about how you see your life, what you value, what you regret. some of the questions ask if you can see the good thats come out of bad things in your life. funny to be asked that at this time of year – i do wish that my father hadnt abandoned us, do wish my mother hadnt been narcissistic and violent, i do wish that she hadnt entrusted us to her creepy paedophile cousin. recently i had an email from my fathers wife. she told me i needed to move on. i didnt answer her. there are some things you dont ever forget. some things i cant forgive.
but at the same time, there are benefits to being treated like that. i have perspective, i have resilience, i take nothing in my life for granted. im no zen master. im pretty good at holding grudges. but i survived all that and I’m not a victim anymore. I know enough about the world to know i have nothing to complain about, that my life is amazing beyond measure, and that its totally up to me what i make of it.
so i’m doing what i can to get in the christmas spirit. i’m sending some cards, bought a couple of small gifts for important women at work. i dug up my quirky collection of home made decorations: zena’s lovely little stockings, missfees birds, sue’s BALLS, kris’s button trees, (with glowing santa and cricket on the tv)
oh and the knitted prawn from my sister. oh yes, people actually knit prawns.
i’ve made my first test batch of mince tarts
and i have to say, they were spectacular. beautiful smooth shortcrust pastry that didnt crumble too much, lush sweet VERY boozy fruit. best i’ve ever made. i’m going to make another batch today so the indian travellers can get some fat and sugar into them after all that curry.
and even though its not a present for anyone except myself, i finally this morning finished the grey scarf i’ve been working on.
i’ll wash and block it now and give the details next post. it feels good to have something finished, and i have three other things to go back to now, and im hoping that there might be a pre-christmas delivery of madelinetosh merino light in ‘tart’ for another cardigan. i also have some new fiction books on their way, because in three days im on holidays for three weeks, and i’m thinking about reading nothing but fiction. i dont think i can manage it, the work books i want to read are still really interesting, not really like work.
perhaps i’ll alternate. three more days. can’t wait.
k xx
