on the outside it looks like ive had an uneventful week but really, theres a lot going on. i’m still in the middle of it so it doesnt quite make sense yet – someone on twitter this week compared themselves to a duck, sitting calmly on the surface, but legs working wildly under the water.
thats me. a duck.
workwise, its been more of the same, but on an ever increasing incline. thuursday and friday last week were hectic and when i came home friday night i cracked open a bottle of maggie beer fake sparkling wine.
how sad am i?! yes its fake, but i drank the whole lot, like a parody of a character in a tragic romcom. but it made me feel better about the pile of marking and accreditation briefing papers i need to read this weekend
but im really enjoying my job right now. taking over a subject that someone else has been running for 10 years is a challenging but exciting opportunity. i’m really enjoying working with her, she’s becoming a bit of a mentor around how to design a subject, and i’m enjoying learning about our new online platforms.
also, we talked about this subject being a chance for me to develop a leadership role in the school, where i would work to bring consistency in the philosophy of reflective practice throughout the whole degree. its really exciting to think that the school sees me having that capacity, and its giving me a platform to hang my historical research on as well, so that when i apply for my own job sometime in the next 2 months, i can present a coherent body of work that demonstrates my research/teaching nexus.
moving into this position full time, rather than trying to squeeze it into two days a week has improved my outlook about my life generally. i feel like i am right on the verge of being where i want to be, but there is a sense of urgency. im behind the 8 ball a little age wise, given my, um…non traditional pathway through life, i am about 10 years older than your average ‘early career researcher’ and im 5 years out from my phd, and im still on a limited term contract, which limits my ability to apply for grant funds. so im working really hard to get some outcomes, yesterday i ended up not going to sydney for guild so i could stay home and work and get a paper ive been working on for ages off my desk
i did get it finished, and im about 95% happy with it. a few edits today and its good. i need to get that paper out quickly because im going to need some outcomes in this area for my fulbright application. there were some emails this week with the university of pennsylvania, wheels are in motion. honestly, i dont think im likely to get the big one this time unless they really love the idea (im applying for 12 months funding) but i do think i will get some smaller money that will get me back for at least a month initially. also sometime in the next week i should get the first round of feedback from the big grant application i submitted here in february. im nervous, it will be a good indication of whether im in the running or not.
so im just trying to keep all the balls in the air and work as hard as i can to set myself up with the best opportunities to land the continuing position. its a strange position to be in, i feel like work is pretty much all im thinking about, there are ideas and sentences and words floating around in my head all the time, my brain continually keeping track of and ticking things off lists. its hard to let myself have some down time, but im working on it this weekend.
its pretty cold and grey outside so lila and i have been hanging out in the lounge room pretty much
she’s a great companion, shes happy to entertain herself, usually by murdering a stuffed toy
but every so often she nudges me for attention and we go for a walk or do some training or throw a ball around the backyard. i also took a break for some cooking, transforming some rhubarb and apples
into a yummy sticky not too sweet crumble
best served with maggie beers vanilla bean and elderflower ice cream!
i did eventually settle on the lounge for some knitting and tv watching (currently about half way through house of cards. i love kevin spacey and i cant tell you how much that show makes me want to go back to washington dc. of all the american cities i’ve been to, thats probably the one where i think i could settle permanently. as much as i love NYC, it would get on my nerves after a couple of years).
so i didnt knit in public yesterday, but there was knitting. mostly i am working on the atelier cardigan in the beautiful madeline tosh pashmina yarn
and its coming along, but its at that interminable ‘knit until its long enough’ stage.
i like them long, so its a lot of knitting! when it gets too much i‘ve started a slouchy hat with the beautiful bluesky alpaca sport i got at brooklyn general store.
its so amazingly soft and smells sweet and musty at the same time, and im loving having it flow through my hands, remembering the day i bought it, and how wearing it will always remind me of brooklyn.
thats been some more of the turmoil under the surface this week. i had to make a personal decision that felt a lot bigger than it really was. but thats me i guess, what seems simple to other people i tend to complicate. i dont think thats a bad thing though, its because i dont give my heart lightly, and my heart is still in america, and i dont know really how to get it back, or if i even want to. but i have to keep living the life i actually have. even though these are difficult things to work through, they are a better class of problem than i ever used to have, and i cant really be anything but grateful for the chance to be able to make decisions at all.
so i’m just going to keep paddling, like a good little duck, and be thankful for my superfantastic life, and who knows where i will end up?
kxx
