well this has been a pretty crap week hasnt it, as far as the world is concerned. seriously, what is wrong with the human race? boston, afghanistan, a woman murdered and left in her car about 5 minutes from my house, explosions, disgusting vile racist sexist local politics. for the first time ever, if i didnt have to vote in this election in september, i wouldnt. they all disgust me, every single last power grabbing one of them.
it doesnt take much to have my inner misanthrope on the rampage. this week i am really not feeling the love. and then there are things closer to home, with idiots on online forums, and the people who give in to them, and useless unsolicited advice, and people who think they know everything and bullshit at work with my boss who is being replaced doing that ‘but i need to finish all the things’ thing and seeing two years of policy work come to almost nothing and really, i just dont care.
i have been at home this week. i was supposed to be on actual leave but then there was a mix up and im not on actual leave, im just working from home looking after the puppy. of course she is completely adorable, growing fast and getting naughtier
digging holes
eating my slippers
making me think that knitting on the lounge with a dog in your lap is pretty much the epitome of perfection
there are other good things to think about: my knitting mojo is back. i thought that whole grant writing thing before i went overseas had been the death of it but no, since i’ve come home i’ve started two new things:
driftwood in madelinetosh pashmina ‘calligraphy’ (from knitty city). and a pair of socks for someones milestone birthday, hex in wollmeise enabled by missfee.
i’ve also ripped back some of the ‘atelier’ cardigan (also in madtosh pashmina, this colour is ‘vintage frame’, also from knitty city, but last time) and started over with a third ball again
you can still see some of the colour change on the front but not the back, and to be frank, its not that bad,
and i just can not be arsed doing anything else about it!
i’m also happy to have some cooking mojo back, this week i made my famous spicy tomato and chorizo soup
and then some really yummy lamb souvlaki
and now the weather is turning cold i think its time for a red wine beef casserole this weekend.
i hope to spend the weekend knitting and playing with the puppy and not really very much else. i have a tenative lunch date on sunday but i think i’m getting a cold, and i just dont feel like talking. im enjoying talking to the dogs (like a crazy dog person and i dont care) and emailing friends, but thats about as far outside my little cave as i want to go right now.
i think its all part of the reconnect – just being with myself and letting everything return to normal. a good friend told me once i am prone to extremes of emotion and she’s right – i dont usually mind but i think i’m worn out. i need things to be flat and boring for a while. i’ve been trying not to think about what happened or not in new york city when i was there, trying to just ignore it, as if just not looking at it will make it go away, or shrink down to some manageable size of hurt. i cant even really let myself feel what i know is there to feel. ultimately, there’s nothing i can do…. to have come so close and then…aaagh see i cant even talk about it. every time i try i sound stupid, or someone says something stupid, and the only thing i can actually DO is let time find some way to make it hurt less.
and stay away from the stupid crazy people. im very grateful for the good stuff around me, like having rosered come visit for lunch on monday and watching connor play on the slippery dip down at the harbour
like the fact that winter is on its way and im getting a guy out to look at the old Aga in my kitchen and see if we can get it fired up for the season. like the fact that i’ve got good stuff happening at work with good people (i finally have a paper almost ready to send off to a history journal).
like the fact that i have her
its a good life in a world of crazy. i’m lucky i have the choice to keep it simple for a while.
k xx
